This Week's Sermon: A New Saint!!!

Hark brothers and sisters for thy minister is back in full, unadulterated effect!!!

He is ready to take on the leaders of false religions and other schools of thought that take money out of his pocket instead of putting more in!!!

Yes, my children, the Holy War of which I have only briefly spoken in recent weeks is upon us. Heavy is the heart of Minister Scribe as he begins drawing up the Church's call to arms for the coming battles.

Unfortunately, all great, lasting religions have to kick a little heathen ass. It is part of the territory...and if you fuckers mention Buddism one more time!!!
!!!!
OK, OK, sorry...thy minister hath an anger management problem set off by a certain bald former Hindu whose insistence on pacifism keeps making my shit look bad!

Although, we do feel compelled to bring up that weird and most fucked up cult in Japan that believed their blind leader was Buddha and gassed the Tokyo subway system-wait, they also thought he was Jesus, didn't they?

GODS-DAMMIT!!!!


Let us moveth right along shall we?

All religions that are prepared to do battle need their symbols. Christians have their crosses, Jews have their Star of David, Muslim have thier beheading videos...well, we are nothing if not envious. Thus have we inducted a new saint to aid us in our cause to defend the faithless.

May we present unto thee without further hesitation, He Who Shall Stand With US in the War Against Our Enemas:



Jack Bauer, Patron Saint of Unrealistic Invulnerability!!!






Aye, 'twas a long and difficult choice, what with all those Steven Seagal and James Bond movies, but none other can walk away from certain death more times in a single day than Saint Bauer!
Yes brother sisters and snip-snip operation types,we are truly blessed to have such a saint behind us!

Whether he is jumping into a car that is mere inches from a massive explosion and then re-emerging smoking but otherwise unharmed, whether he is surrounded by like fitty muhfukas with sub-machine guns and takeing 'em down with his trust 9 milly-mill, whether he is an international fugitive whose face never seems to show up on surveillance sattellite photos and is able to evade capture by two countries including the President of the USA despite being the second most famous government operative in history, Saint Bauer proves the American assertion that might makes right.

May he fill our hearts, minds and trigger fingers with the inability to die. Maybe he rise us from certain doom to return again and again just in the nick of time to save the world. May the gentle goodness of Saint Bauer guide us to shoot men's wives in the kneecap when called upon to do it.

And may we have a day even remotely as eventful as his!!

All hail Saint Jack Bauer, for he cannot die as long as the producers will it so.