THIS WEEK'S SERMON: THE DANGERS OF SUPERSTITION
One could argue that superstition is the cause of all of life’s woes. One could even say it is the reason we have religion, a construct designed to dispel superstition and replace it with divinely imparted “knowledge.”
One can say a whole lot of shit, but ultimately what it all boils down to is that a good 98% of Earth’s two-legged, upright inhabitants sleep with their nightlights on and knock on wood for luck.
Naturally, there is something to be said for not putting negative energy “out there,” by having a bad attitude about health issues or the safety of a loved one. After all, the universe operates on matter in motion and heat, i.e. “energy.”
We as human beans know this innately, the same way we know not to sniff another human’s ass unless that person has just emerged from a long, hot shower or is holding a gun on us. And then…maybe.
Yet the Church of Scribe hath naught but disdain for those who embrace superstitions. We see them as imbeciles. Idiots.
We cast aspersions on those with lucky coins, rabbit’s feet, statues of saints on their dashboards, pendants and necklaces, and worst of all, those annoying church-goers who think they can find God in a building and can avoid Hell by showing up! Wait until they read part 2 of the God interview---Hoo Boy!!!
Each silly superstitious practice pulls you farther and farther away from what should be doing: Listening to me and helping me financially while doing so.
This is a serious problem, people! Your ladder avoiding and wood knocking is pulling you away from precious Scribe time! Must I re-post Scribe’s Commandments??? Perhaps I shall simply remind ye of these 2:
2. Thou shalt think for thyself in all cases where Scribe hathnot told thee what to think.
7. Remember well the Church's Holy Bank Account # and set up an automatic draft account from thine own account to be deducted bi-monthly (forms available in the divine lobby next to the holy coffee maker).
So what are we gonna do about this, hmmm? How do we go about eradicating the primitive human need for ritualistic comfort seeking with totems and bring you sons of bitches & bastards into the Scribeist Era?
Simple, my devoted followers. So simple as to be nearly ludicrous…
I promise all of ye good luck if ye will toucheth the screen and repeat the holiest of prayers with me. TOUCH ME!!!
I mean “it.”
Are you touching it? Does it feel nice to you? Do you like the way it yields only slightly in your hands? The way it remains rigid and resisting enough to make you feel good…um, about yourself?
Aye, the Church of Scribe enjoys sharing the special touch, it makes for a very happy Church. So don’t stop until you are told to stop. Make it hum and pulsate…the screen, that is. That’s it, put a smile on…the…Church’s…face…
HAIL!!!
HAIL!!!
H-h-h-Haaaaailllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll yeah!!!!
:)
You are all forgiven.
Chaos & Discord Be With You~
One can say a whole lot of shit, but ultimately what it all boils down to is that a good 98% of Earth’s two-legged, upright inhabitants sleep with their nightlights on and knock on wood for luck.
Naturally, there is something to be said for not putting negative energy “out there,” by having a bad attitude about health issues or the safety of a loved one. After all, the universe operates on matter in motion and heat, i.e. “energy.”
We as human beans know this innately, the same way we know not to sniff another human’s ass unless that person has just emerged from a long, hot shower or is holding a gun on us. And then…maybe.
Yet the Church of Scribe hath naught but disdain for those who embrace superstitions. We see them as imbeciles. Idiots.
We cast aspersions on those with lucky coins, rabbit’s feet, statues of saints on their dashboards, pendants and necklaces, and worst of all, those annoying church-goers who think they can find God in a building and can avoid Hell by showing up! Wait until they read part 2 of the God interview---Hoo Boy!!!
Each silly superstitious practice pulls you farther and farther away from what should be doing: Listening to me and helping me financially while doing so.
This is a serious problem, people! Your ladder avoiding and wood knocking is pulling you away from precious Scribe time! Must I re-post Scribe’s Commandments??? Perhaps I shall simply remind ye of these 2:
2. Thou shalt think for thyself in all cases where Scribe hathnot told thee what to think.
7. Remember well the Church's Holy Bank Account # and set up an automatic draft account from thine own account to be deducted bi-monthly (forms available in the divine lobby next to the holy coffee maker).
So what are we gonna do about this, hmmm? How do we go about eradicating the primitive human need for ritualistic comfort seeking with totems and bring you sons of bitches & bastards into the Scribeist Era?
Simple, my devoted followers. So simple as to be nearly ludicrous…
I promise all of ye good luck if ye will toucheth the screen and repeat the holiest of prayers with me. TOUCH ME!!!
I mean “it.”
Are you touching it? Does it feel nice to you? Do you like the way it yields only slightly in your hands? The way it remains rigid and resisting enough to make you feel good…um, about yourself?
Aye, the Church of Scribe enjoys sharing the special touch, it makes for a very happy Church. So don’t stop until you are told to stop. Make it hum and pulsate…the screen, that is. That’s it, put a smile on…the…Church’s…face…
HAIL!!!
HAIL!!!
H-h-h-Haaaaailllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll yeah!!!!
:)
You are all forgiven.
Chaos & Discord Be With You~
posted by Minister Scribe at 4:16 PM
8 Comments:
Umm I think Minister Scribe is in trouble with the lucky rabbit foot's comment. Everyone duck!
Child, I can find other fuzzy things to bring thee luck.
hey, it's not *MY* rabbit foot I'm speaking of here...
umm...anyway, that sounds kinky.
Nothing is kinky in a consequence free environment.
Haven't seen that environment yet.
then, child, you need to pay better attention whilst in this Church.
Uh-oh, I'm in trouble :X
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